Bag Lady

"You've changed my life!" Marcia exclaims. She's just returned from her two hour, pre-dawn workout. Her cheeks are flushed with excitement. "Really, how?" Jan asks. Her guard is up.

"Well, not YOU, exactly, but THIS."

Marcia holds up a perky flowered tote and flashes Jan her perfect smile.

"I was so jealous when I saw your tote. I just had to get one."

Yeah. You just had to do it, Marcia, didn't you?

"You said you got the last one from Target, so I found this one online."

Jan's prized tote was is a boring navy. But when she snatched it from clearance bin, she felt on top of the world. If only for a moment.

"Isn't it cute?"

"How much did you pay for it?

"$14.99, plus ship..."

"Mine was $3.97," Jan interrupts.

"Oh well, you can't win them all!" Marcia chirps. Her victory complete.

You don't have to tell me that, you silly cow.

Jan stews a bit. But she thinks better of it.

It was still her idea. And Marcia even admitted that she was jealous.

Well, she should be.

Jan is the one who figured out that this shower tote would simplify her mornings. No more upstairs/downstairs getting kids ready to school. She actually had a few extra minutes to brush her teeth, comb her hair, and clean her glasses before walking the kids to the bus stop. She couldn't help but tell Marcia about it. She forgot that Marcia would pretend that it was her idea all along. That she would buy the same tote for all her dumb friends and act like she was the one who thought of it.


And it was the perfect gift for any girlfriend.

And if Jan had any friends, she would have bought several of them.

Perfect to bring to the pool, the gym, or--if you're Marcia--an impromptu weekend in an exotic locale.

"Will you help me load my stuff?"

"Yeah. Sure."

Jan starts putting in Marcia's MAC makeup, hair products, toothbruth, saline solution, etc. Marcia just stares at her.

"What?" Jan asks defensively

"Jan, this is a fresh new start." She sighs.

Marcia hands Jan a bottle of lemon-scented glass cleaner and a roll of paper towels.

"Here, just spritz each item and place them, by size, in the appropriate zipper bag."

Within minutes, Marcia's jams, jellies, lipsticks (Marcia doesn't wear gloss anymore--it's so done), eye shadows, compacts, and pencils look new.

"Zipper bags are the best way to store makeup. You can see what you have. And when it gets dingy, you know it's time for a little Sephora run."

Or Walgreens run for the rest of us, Jan thinks to herself, bitterly


"Thanks, Jan. You're the best."

Well, not quite. But tomorrow is another day.

http://www.target.com/Shower-Caddy/dp/B000OCRXJ0/sr=1-3/qid=1195221774/ref=sr_1_3/601-4133017-3692908?ie=UTF8&index=target&rh=k%3Ashower%20caddy&page=1