Remember Those Great Studio Shots??

Marcia and Jan certainly do! Remember when the Brady kids had a portrait taken for Mike and Carol's anniversary and dumb, useless Jan forgot to wear her new wirerims and ruined it? Only to be busted by Mike later? And do you remember that the photo was taken FULL LENGTH of the kids? Who takes a full length portrait of SIX kids? The photographer probably had to take the picture from the next suburb over just to fit everybody in and make sure Jan's knobby knees and Greg's bells were in focus.

Here's an episode quiz to test your knowledge...we've already given you half the answers. Post answers in comments:

1) What did Jan sell to pay for the new picture?
2)Who saw Jan destroy the picture?
3)Where did they hang the picture?
4)What was Jan's punishment? Besides, well, being Jan.
5)What did Alice use to fake a swelling tooth?
6)What was the picture a gift for?
7)How did Mike know it was a new picture?
8)What did Jan mistakenly bring home from the park?

Yes, the portrait shot. Whether in wicker chair, against a fake autumn backdrop, or with face superimposed on a champagne glass...what a lost art. And if enough of you leave us comments, perhaps their alter egos will scan and post THEIR studio shots for Lakeville High School yearbook circa 1985. Perhaps.

For now, you will get a kick out of what follows. How we wish we could take credit for it. But we aren't his clever. We think we are. But we aren't.

This is from an email making the rounds. And not since the JCP Catolog entry have we been so delighted. We tried (in vain) to find the source of this Studio Shot email forward. But to no avail. We knew we had to get this out into the blogosphere and have spent hours copying and pasting each picture into blog format. Share this with your friends! And step forward, author! You are hilarious and brilliant and funnier than most of the writers currently on strike. To hell with them. This "anonymous" person not only found all these gorgeous shots, but provided the commentary that you will read now. Enjoy!

REMEMBER THOSE STUDIO SHOTS? By "anonymous"

This bolt of cloth was in the clearance bin at Walmart!

This photo isn't discolored. The 70s really were this yellow.

Ever wonder what the hell they were all looking at?

Talk about a third wheel...or just another nude photo with her brothers?

It's so cute when couples have matching hairdos

Hiroshima, 1945. The last known photo of Kelli and Senor Loco.

I got a 20 that says he drives a Camaro.

Kenneth and his prom date

Nothing says 1973 quite like denim and helmet hair.don't these kids have parents with matching hair too. (I know you're gonna scroll up to look)Is this posing or bragging?

You'd think Pearle Vision would throw in another two pairs for free.

Patrick broke ranks and chose drag over the bow tie

Olan Mills is all about versatility. The simple addition of a column turns this generic plantation into Tara, where, apparently, someone opened a Hair Cuttery. And don't miss the First Presbyterian Players as they perform "Godspell" next Wednesday night in the Fellowship Hall. Childcare will be provided. Please bring a covered dish.

Yes, they were kicked out too.

The Library might be more believable if the shelves weren't sloping downhill. Is that a book on teen pregnancy?

Olan Mills Backdrop #11: The Library, one of their most popular themes, as seen in this photo of the young Unibomber and his wife.

Dawn and her recently exhumed sister, Gorgotha, pose with Scraps.

Just a typical afternoon down on the plantation. In a business suit. Y'know, for a budget meeting with the slaves.
Bobbi isn't the first waitress to fall for her manager, but she and Dale both got fired from Shoney's. Yes, somebody actually paid money for this.

A pose like this will get you kicked right out of the Convention.

Olan Mills backdrop #4: Bucolic Meadow with Split Rail Fence. Is that an animal carcass behind her?

M&J Comment: "Oh F-ck, my shoulder!"

M&J Comment: Understudies for the Duggars.

It's called a leisure suit, ladies and germs, and if you didn't have one in the early 70s, you were a big fat loser. Mine was teal. I wore it with a silk floral shirt and a long necklace with a football player pendant that we all got at that year's team banquet. I was THE MAN.
Wanted a shot like this for my wedding. The Mrs. said no.
The Purvis family made several stops along the Oregon Trail to document their six-month journey. This photo was taken just two weeks before the dysentery took Momma to Jesus.
That dude wore a tie for nothing.

Drake won Bitchin'est Senior Mullet by a landslide.

Thoughtful Lance. Mirthful Lance. Two sides of a delightful coin.
Those glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne.